Monday, June 15, 2015

The first time I cried during a workout...

The date was January 6, 2015. It was my second day on the program Insanity Max 30. I was so incredibly sore from the previous days workout, Cardio Challenge. I literally came home from work that day telling Tim I was thinking about skipping the workout- ON MY SECOND DAY.

I had told Tim the week before- do NOT let me miss these work outs and do NOT let me go off my eating plan, no questions asked. I told him no matter how mad, sad, bitchy, or whatever mood I got in, he HAD to make me do it- and like the wonderful husband he is, he did despite my displeasure with it. I know it is really difficult for Tim to “make” me do something or tell me “no”, just as it is for me to him. I had asked his help with this numerous times over the years, but he never liked seeing me upset or angry, especially when I couldn’t have pizza (I know, I’m a pathetic baby). However, as my last post indicated, I was dealing with some significant health problems and had become significantly overweight. This was no longer a question. I needed his help, and he knew it.

Before I jump into why I cried during this workout, let me give you a little history about my previous athleticism. I was very active growing up. I played a variety of sports including field hockey, track and field, and even basketball for a short period. I loved going to our high schools gym and lifting weights (especially squatting) and running. Whenever I was upset or mad about anything, I laced up my sneakers and went running. It was time for myself, and time to think. I never really ate very healthy, but I was also active which helped keep me thin (although at the time I thought I was fat).

Anyway- to make my point here, I am no stranger to working out. In fact, I used to love it. However I had come to the point where I had damaged my body so much that I absolutely hated it. It was no longer easy for me to run or even walk a mile. I couldn’t really jump. Everything left me extremely sore, exhausted, and feeling defeated. Working out no longer had the relief that it used to. Instead it was replaced with dread and a lot of pain.

On January 6 I did something I typically did not do- I pushed through the negative thoughts and made myself work out (well, Tim made me do it). So why did I cry during this work out?

It wasn’t because it hurt, or that I was tired, or even that I was so pissed that Tim made me do it, it was because of something Shaun T said during the work out.

The workout was Tabata Power. It was near the end of the work out and Shaun T said something that brought me to tears right then and there: “It’s more than just exercise, it’s your life”. I remember that moment very specifically. First, it lit a fire under my ass and I finished the work out strong- if you’ve ever done Tabata Power you know how damn hard it is. Second, I went upstairs and looked at myself in the mirror and started bawling.

As silly as it may sound and despite all the health problems I was going through at the time, I truly never looked at exercise that way. I was viewing exercise as a burden when I should have been really been viewing it as medicine. Those words completely reshaped how I view exercise and I continue to carry that with me, especially on the days I don’t want to work out.

Let’s face it- looking sexy and losing weight are obviously two big perks to exercise, but the biggest is what it does for your HEALTH. It’s always great to fit in that dress, or to get that compliment, but the real success is what you get long term- a long, happy life with the ones you love.
I never shared this moment with anyone, even Tim. I think it’s important to show that vulnerability, because it truly gave me a lot of strength. Eating clean and exercising is all about how you view it. If you view it as a burden, it is going to be miserable. If you view it as your LIFE, it is going to motivate you. Change your mind set, change your life.

In Health & Happiness,
Coach Jessica

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